Don't take for granted those who believe the same as you. I am learning that church family members are sacred and truly dear once you have them. I am missing my church family in Wichita Falls, Texas. Each of you, no matter the circumstance, were a great support to me, and each and every day I learn more and more how true that is. I am reminded how my friends made an impact on me and I haven't truly realized or understood until lately. Kim, you were always giving me a home away from home. You and Lynn never once closed you home to me, and I can't thank you both enough. Kassie and Randy, you never seemed to care about my looks; To me that was the most precious gift, there were many times I felt insecure, but you never once cared. You always treated me like I mattered. Priscilla you were always truthful. You were more motherly and always said what was on your mind, keeping me in my place. Many times I needed that. Karen I realized the other day how much of a friend you really were to me. We didn't hang out very often, but when we did you could take a pic of me and I didn't hate myself in it. I hope that says a lot since I don't let people take pictures of me anymore. You knew hoe to capture me when I was happiest. Felicia, you become like a sister and support system; I have so much love and respect for you. There are so many more that I should give honor to, but these are the ones that have been on my mind lately. I've said before that I miss my LifeTab church family, but sometimes it takes a trial to remind you of what you once had, but no longer do. Somedays I wish I could go back a few years and interject myself back there, but somewhere, somehow God has a plan for me. I love seeing how you have grown individually and as a church family. Sometimes we need to be reminded where we came from to understand why we are in such a place as the present, thank you for all you did for me!

It's a new day!

My family is full of life, fun and love, but my family is also on the thicker side of life. We often joke about being Pentecostal and what we do best is eat, and although that might be true, we were not given license to over eat and guide ourselves to an unhealthy standard of living. I have 13 cousins and my sister, making 15 grandchildren all together including me; ever since I can remember I have always been the fat one. I have felt an inferiority, well, all of my life and I think it's time to allow myself to become an equal. I am now 26 years old and I have no excuses for myself. There is no circumstance or situation to blame for my weight, except my own self. I allowed myself to get larger and larger and now it's time to put that to a rest. I am miserable. My attitude sucks, I can't stand mirrors and I have panic attacks when cameras or phones come out. Reality for a lot of people is that they have a few pounds to lose, my reality is that I have a few more than them.

I am a determined person. I graduated college and started a career, both of which took time and perseverance, but I'm not sure than I can do this on my own. I am asking that if you love me, you will stand behind me as I venture out to become a healthier version of me. I am not beautiful, nor do I expect that to change, but I do need to find a way to love myself. My father has always told me it's not the number that matters, it's how the clothing fits. So I will not set a goal of pounds nor will I set a certain size that is unrealistic for me to reach, after all, I wouldn't be able to help my dad rebuild houses if I'm too light, but I will strive for a leaner, healthier version of me.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am never having children, but when it really comes down to it one day I do want a family (but, shh, don't tell my mother that I said that). As nature would have it, you kinda have to attract the opposite sex in order to start a family. I've not successful I the slightest with what I've been doing, so why not change what doesn't work. If I don't like myself, how can I love myself or expect someone else to love me.

I plan on doing this right. Working out, eating healthier (just for the record, I'm not going cold turkey on Chipotle, but moderation is a good start), and lots of water. Encouragement is appreciated and love is welcome. Anyone that wants to join me, you are more than invited, in fact I encourage you to do the same, even if you don't have weight to lose. Maybe just getting healthy is motivation enough for you.

I'm ready to find a better version of Amy Renee Parker. Someone that people have never met, but all enjoy being around (even me).

Auntie's Babe

I retread "my heart was stolen and I don't want it back", and I was reminded that there is a man out there that has his work cut out for him. Hannah Parker Ray still has all of my heart!!! There is no child as amazing as my niece. She is the most amazing kid, so full of life and happiness. And wet kisses, always sloppy wet kisses!!! Here are a few of my favorite pics of her along the way:

Dehydration of the Soul

When the body is dehydrated, lacking water and nutrients needed to survive, something triggers in the brain to let the body know that it needs replenishing. Suddenly you have a great thirst that you need to quench. You try everything from water to Gatorade in hopes to quench the desire to rehydrate. If you're in tune with your body, you might need some water to replenish what has been lost, but if you fight and ignore the signals of dehydration the body will develop an extreme thirst, tiredness and loss of ability to function normally. The same goes for our spirit.
No matter your rank in your walk with God, no one is exempt from dehydration of the soul. I have been raised in church my entire life, and I have made detours every now and then and found my way back, but my biggest mistake yet is that I have abandoned the desire to refresh my soul.
Recently I have seen behavior that is "unPentecostal-like". I use that term in the same way that society uses "ladylike". There is a general understanding of what that means and we know how to adjust accordingly. As a female, when I spit or burp, I am being "unladylike", therefore when I stop those behaviors I am now acting like a lady. I see it the same way with being Pentecostal. Within the UPC circuit there is an acceptable way to and not to act because we have a common goal that we are trying to reach: to show the love, mercy and the hope of Christ.
My dehydration is strictly my own fault. I had a Pastor, a leader that I have so much respect for, say that it is not the only the preacher's responsibility to feed me, but that I must be mature enough to feed myself through prayer and the Word. When I become distraught and my leader is not able to help me, I must be strong enough to withstand the storm, but how can I resist the world if my soul lacks the ability to function without the hydrating downpour of the Holy Ghost?
I have allowed my soul to become calloused and dry because of a few people's decisions to have a lack of leadership and display disrespect in the House of God. Where there is no room for a lack of leadership, spiritual guidance and disrespect, there is also no room for a dry, lifeless soul. It is my responsibility to take care of me. I must find the water to to nourish my soul, to replenish what I have lost. I sincerely hope that God is put back into leadership, but I cannot allow someone else's behavior to lead me to the dry depths of despair. My soul cries out for rain, the down pouring of the Spirit.
It is never wise to continue running when you are thirsty. Listen to your soul, God gave us desire to know when we need replenishing. Listen, follow and obey the signals of dehydration and extreme weakness and functionality will not be the concern at hand, but the continuous work of God and outreach to the world who has never felt the sweet refreshing love of Jesus.

Soap box

Ok, give me just a moment to drag my soap box out. So, now that I'm on it, when did we decide that giving it our all became less and less of a priority? I know that life is demanding, I live every day minute by minute just as the rest of society, but when did it become socially acceptable to become complacent? If there is something that I really want to do, I find time, but when it becomes inconvenient for me or a little too demanding, I just don't have the time. I can, and have used the excuse, "I just don't have time, " or "so-and-so is too busy, we can't..." When do we stand up and finally say enough is enough?! Baseball can wait, hunting doesn't matter, shopping will be there tomorrow, relationships, if worth keeping, will hold for a few minutes. We have this "here and now" mentality. I want it, so give it now. When I played the clarinet, I had to work for what wanted. When I put practice off I sounded just that, off. Ok, so I sounded BAD when I didn't practice, but one day I learned that if I put some effort and passion into what I wanted, it paid off. When I was in the 8th grade I was competing for a solo part. I wanted that part so badly I could taste it. I practiced and practiced and eventually my hard work paid off and I was playing a beautiful solo piece in the top band at the Bass Hall. I don't know if you know anything about the Bass Hall, but for a kid of 12, that was a huge accomplishment. If we want to succeed at anything, we must be willing to put time aside consistently to achieve our goals. There are no excuses for failure, and failure is only achieved when you refused work at something to prefect it.

Many kinds of love

     I love to laugh more than anything in the world! There's no greater feeling in world than the rush of dopamine surging through your brain sending signals to your entire body to be happy. Although the bible refers to laughter in a generally scornful manner, there is a small section that speaks about a season for everything and my favorite verse says that there is, "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4). It's not a thought provoking scripture, but it gets right down to the point. Life becomes so murky that we don't make time to feel. All four of these verbs are so emotionally rich that if not taken care of can destroy us.
   How many times have you felt like a good cry would make everything better? Or when that stupid happy dance allows us to express that spark of excitement. And while mourning is typically a consequence of loss, is a way to remember; whether you make it a sorrowful mourn or an enlightening one, that is up to you, but from personal experience, laughter is always the constant in all of those. When we cry those that love us say something so stifle the tears. I have a habit of saying the wrong things that makes any situation awkward, ensuring laughter because no one knows what to think at that point. Do I feel like an idiot? More than you would think, but laughter is where my heart lies and however I have to get there, so-be-it.
     The thing I love most, after laughter, is my niece, Hannah! I only put laughter in the forefront because to know Hannah is to know laughter. She is the funniest kid, ever. Only at 17 months old, the kid has a natural ability to take an audience captive and make them laugh. I adore everything about her.  She encompasses everything thing that both Jen and Ryan possess. Now, if only I can find a way of stealing her. Is it weird to say that I want to be like her when I grow up? She lights up any room she walks in to, from her beautiful smile to her wonderful laugh, to her glowing blue eyes. There is such a kindred heart in her that as she grows older I can only hope becomes a beacon of happiness to others. God has great plans for her, I can feel it in my bones.
     My third and final love is singing and music. When I am laid to rest I hope the one thing people remember about me is that I love to sing. I can't carry a tune, nor do I have a pretty voice, but when it comes to giving God my all, singing is what I
do best. I have heard, and I, too, believe this, to an extent, that church shouldn't rely on music. Music is not what makes a church service great, but I do believe that music ushers in the presence of God. The bible references the use of music, therefore I don't believe in giving God my little, I want to give Him my all. What I love most about music is the passion and dedication involved. You don't expect for music to just happen, you have to work at it. Practice, practice and practice some more even when you think it's great.
   

My heart was stolen and I DON'T want it back!

     I'm feeling a little uncharacteristically blue today so I thought I'd {try to} write something more on the light-hearted side.

     This is the story about how my heart was stolen. As many people know, for a while now I have claimed that I am not terribly interested in marriage {not for a while anyway}, nor does the sound of little feet interest me. In fact, the thought of those individually scare me to death, and the thought of them together- oh, no! That's just terrifying! I would make an acceptable mother {depending on the day}, and a fantastic wife, but Lord knows I am not ready to give up my freedom, yet!!!

     Once upon a time a boy and a girl got married. They were good together. They balanced one another and made each other whole. {Oh, look how sweet...}

 

They sealed the deal with a kiss,

 

 

  and life began from here!

 

Now, not too far into their marital bliss a miraculous event took place and Jen went form this:

 

 

to this:

 

 

to this

 

!!!

 

For nine long months Jen baked a baby. She grew and she grew, but she wasn't sure what kind of baby she was making. Jen and Ryan, being the meanies they are decided not to find out if they would be having a he or a she. I had my bets placed on either an alien, or twins {Thinking of it now, I should have placed money on an alien!}.

 

 On April 18, 2012, I woke up and knew that Jen would be having the baby soon. My Dad called the night before and said Jen would be going into the hospital but it didn't look like she would have IT until later the next day. I went to bed so EXCITED!!!I knew my car needed an oil change and my apartment needed to be cleaned, so I took my sweet time and cleaned the place. I, too, was covered in dust, so I took a shower and finished dressing when I received a call around noon. "Hey, Jen's at a 2, don't get in a hurry, it'll be a while."

So, in my lack of haste I finished packing my clothes, and ventured to Wal-Mart (I should have know it would take forever). After 10 minutes of being there I get a call saying, "Well, she's progressed a little faster than expected get here when you can, we just want you to be aware." OK, not a big deal. I can get there fairly quick.I should say, if I had my way I could get their fairly quick, but I was on Wal-Mart time. Apparently it needed to take an hour and a half to get in and out of there. It is now two-o'clock in the afternoon and I have yet to leave Wichita Falls, Texas. It's a two-hour drive to Rhome, a three-hour drive to Fort Worth, with some traffic.

 

At this point, I'm running with recklessness to get anywhere. I/m outside of Jolly and Dad calls to say, "Jen is at a 5, you need to hurry up". Recklessness has just become some sort of power boost and I suddenly become invincible. I'm aware of my speed, at which I'm going somewhere around 72-77 mph, and we'll leave it at that. The speed limit is 70 and just as I approach Bellevue, Sir Cops-A-Lot decides he was going to do his job. A state trooper thought I was going above the desired speed and asks for my license and insurance. I know I have my license and I look for my insurance and low and behold I needed an updated card. At this point I'm frazzled and scared and he asks what the problem is. I tell him that my sister has just been admitted to the hospital and I needed to get to Ft. Worth as fast as I could. So he preceded to ask where is she at and what is her name.

I then tell him, "she's at Harris hospital and her name is Jennifer Parker".

 He leaves and then it hits me, no she's not and that's not her name! She was at the neighboring hospital and her name is now Jennifer Ray. I'm panicking!

"Well, ma'am, you're in luck because I suddenly have no tower here and I can't call out. I normally call the hospital and just check to verify your situation but I couldn't today. Slow down and be careful. I hope your sister and the baby are fine, we don't need both of you in the hospital."

WHEW! I slid past that one. Thank you Jesus! At that point I set my speedometer at 70 and decide if that baby is born before I get there, that's fine!

Six o'clock comes around and I pull into the parking garage. I race to Labor and Delivery just to find out that she's still at a 5! OK, no big deal. I was there for a couple of hours and things finally happen, we have a BABY!!! We hear crying, from all involved, but have not heard if i was to be an aunt or an uncle.

 

As we were waiting this is what ws going on outside of the delivery:

 

 

Finally we hear laughter. Ryan came out of the delivery room:

 

 

and informed us we had a baby GIRL!!!

 

 

HANNAH PARKER RAY

 

I was given the best gift in the world, and her name was Hannah Parker Ray. I'm glad she was a girl because I would have made a terrible uncle. This is the first person to ever steal my heart! I don't ever want it back. She's my Babe, and I'm her Auntie A / Aunt White Chocolate!

 

 

She's the GREATEST thing in the world!!! Love my, Babe!