It's a new day!

My family is full of life, fun and love, but my family is also on the thicker side of life. We often joke about being Pentecostal and what we do best is eat, and although that might be true, we were not given license to over eat and guide ourselves to an unhealthy standard of living. I have 13 cousins and my sister, making 15 grandchildren all together including me; ever since I can remember I have always been the fat one. I have felt an inferiority, well, all of my life and I think it's time to allow myself to become an equal. I am now 26 years old and I have no excuses for myself. There is no circumstance or situation to blame for my weight, except my own self. I allowed myself to get larger and larger and now it's time to put that to a rest. I am miserable. My attitude sucks, I can't stand mirrors and I have panic attacks when cameras or phones come out. Reality for a lot of people is that they have a few pounds to lose, my reality is that I have a few more than them.

I am a determined person. I graduated college and started a career, both of which took time and perseverance, but I'm not sure than I can do this on my own. I am asking that if you love me, you will stand behind me as I venture out to become a healthier version of me. I am not beautiful, nor do I expect that to change, but I do need to find a way to love myself. My father has always told me it's not the number that matters, it's how the clothing fits. So I will not set a goal of pounds nor will I set a certain size that is unrealistic for me to reach, after all, I wouldn't be able to help my dad rebuild houses if I'm too light, but I will strive for a leaner, healthier version of me.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am never having children, but when it really comes down to it one day I do want a family (but, shh, don't tell my mother that I said that). As nature would have it, you kinda have to attract the opposite sex in order to start a family. I've not successful I the slightest with what I've been doing, so why not change what doesn't work. If I don't like myself, how can I love myself or expect someone else to love me.

I plan on doing this right. Working out, eating healthier (just for the record, I'm not going cold turkey on Chipotle, but moderation is a good start), and lots of water. Encouragement is appreciated and love is welcome. Anyone that wants to join me, you are more than invited, in fact I encourage you to do the same, even if you don't have weight to lose. Maybe just getting healthy is motivation enough for you.

I'm ready to find a better version of Amy Renee Parker. Someone that people have never met, but all enjoy being around (even me).

Auntie's Babe

I retread "my heart was stolen and I don't want it back", and I was reminded that there is a man out there that has his work cut out for him. Hannah Parker Ray still has all of my heart!!! There is no child as amazing as my niece. She is the most amazing kid, so full of life and happiness. And wet kisses, always sloppy wet kisses!!! Here are a few of my favorite pics of her along the way:

Dehydration of the Soul

When the body is dehydrated, lacking water and nutrients needed to survive, something triggers in the brain to let the body know that it needs replenishing. Suddenly you have a great thirst that you need to quench. You try everything from water to Gatorade in hopes to quench the desire to rehydrate. If you're in tune with your body, you might need some water to replenish what has been lost, but if you fight and ignore the signals of dehydration the body will develop an extreme thirst, tiredness and loss of ability to function normally. The same goes for our spirit.
No matter your rank in your walk with God, no one is exempt from dehydration of the soul. I have been raised in church my entire life, and I have made detours every now and then and found my way back, but my biggest mistake yet is that I have abandoned the desire to refresh my soul.
Recently I have seen behavior that is "unPentecostal-like". I use that term in the same way that society uses "ladylike". There is a general understanding of what that means and we know how to adjust accordingly. As a female, when I spit or burp, I am being "unladylike", therefore when I stop those behaviors I am now acting like a lady. I see it the same way with being Pentecostal. Within the UPC circuit there is an acceptable way to and not to act because we have a common goal that we are trying to reach: to show the love, mercy and the hope of Christ.
My dehydration is strictly my own fault. I had a Pastor, a leader that I have so much respect for, say that it is not the only the preacher's responsibility to feed me, but that I must be mature enough to feed myself through prayer and the Word. When I become distraught and my leader is not able to help me, I must be strong enough to withstand the storm, but how can I resist the world if my soul lacks the ability to function without the hydrating downpour of the Holy Ghost?
I have allowed my soul to become calloused and dry because of a few people's decisions to have a lack of leadership and display disrespect in the House of God. Where there is no room for a lack of leadership, spiritual guidance and disrespect, there is also no room for a dry, lifeless soul. It is my responsibility to take care of me. I must find the water to to nourish my soul, to replenish what I have lost. I sincerely hope that God is put back into leadership, but I cannot allow someone else's behavior to lead me to the dry depths of despair. My soul cries out for rain, the down pouring of the Spirit.
It is never wise to continue running when you are thirsty. Listen to your soul, God gave us desire to know when we need replenishing. Listen, follow and obey the signals of dehydration and extreme weakness and functionality will not be the concern at hand, but the continuous work of God and outreach to the world who has never felt the sweet refreshing love of Jesus.