The impact we have!

Yesturday at work I had to deal with a lot of bullying. Each time I heard one kid say to another, "you're stupid", or call names, I was reminded of a girl who teased me when I was younger. As an adult, the 5 year old in me is still terrified of being made fun of, so when I heard this I automatically defended who ever was being teased, whether they started it or not. There was not going to be that type of treatment on my watch.
We finally sat down for snack at about 3:30 pm; I was sitting at the end of the table talking to some of the kids as I ate my Triple Berry Trix nyogurt, which I found to be pleasantly good, when I heard a child sitting directly to my right call another child an awful name. The two adults I had been working with had been sitting at the table next to us. I'm not sure if they didn't hear or if they didnt know how to handle the situation, but I had had it! I finally looked at my female coworker and asked her as loudly as possible how she felt about bullying. Her reply was, " I think it's awful and we've had a lot of it today". She was a bit stunned in my abrupt asking, but quickly took on the role of helping me in my attempt to stop what had been going on all day.
It wasn't long before I had all 20 of their attention, and I said, "enough is enough!". I found a definition of bullying and read it aloud to the entire group, then asked if anyone felt if they had been treated in that manner. All but a few hands went up and I decided then and there that if I was going to get these kids to understand the impact they have on one another, that I was going to have to be real with them.
Earlier in the day they weren't listening, so they owed me 7 minutes of their time, and I felt this would be a great time to talk to them about what an impact one person could make. I set my timer for 7 min and told them not to say a word as I spoke. I began with a story of a girl named Christina. She made fun of me for nine years. From kindergarten to the day I left Haltome City in the eighth grade, I was the object of this girls' bullying. I told them everything that happened as she made fun of me and told me that no body liked me. I told the "cafeteria monitor", an old biddy that didn't care. I told them that as a five year old I should have never been told that I wasn't worth anything, and because no body cared, I was told that for nine years. That kind of impact reeks havoc on anybody, and that 20 years later I still have a hard time looking in the mirror believing that I'm worth more than nothing.
Every child in that room was silent and I could see that I had their attention. Chrissy, my coworker spoke up and told a similar story; that she had been the victim of bullying, but then became a bully herself. I felt like the kids understood what we were talking about, but hadn't yet really felt what I was trying to say. I felt it more important to show them that it doesn't matter how old you are, bullying never stops hurting.
It was silent. All eyes were on me and I told them that within the past three or four months, I have had two, count them, TWO "friends" tell me that I am "nobody" and that what I say has no value to them. Tears blurred my vision and my voice crackled with hurt. With my head bent, ashamed of having to say this, I put my pride to the side and told them that people I call friends don't care about me enough to listen to what I have to say or consider me more than just a nobody. I looked up and saw tears in their eyes. Some more than others, but I finally knew they understood what I had been trying to tell them. That it doesn't matter if you're ten or if you're twenty-four, people just want to be loved and cared for, not put down or dismissed, no matter their situation. As soon as I finished the timer went off. It was quite perfect, actually.
Quickly I had to change the subject, I was telling a bunch of nine thru twelve year olds more than I had told adults. I told them their trash needed to go in the trash can and we
needed to clean the cafeteria. They all stood from their seats and I started to fold one of the tables when the child who had been sitting on my right earlier calling names came up to me and asked where William was. I told him and continued with what I was doing. About a minute later I saw Logan talking to William with tears rolling down his bloodshot face. I knew then that being honest with these kids and showing them what happens to people who are treated badly was worth it. Maybe I made a difference for an hour, but maybe I spoke to someone's heart. I guess time will only tell.

God still works miracles!

As I close my college career, with respect that my audit goes as planned, I have had some trouble making sure that all is well with my degee plan to insure that I can graduate. Back in my community college days I took a sophomore level psych class in which does not count as an upperlevel class here at at MSU. Because I could not get the Chair of Psychology to sign off on my course subsitituton for the same class, I needed to enroll in a new class for undergrads called Clinical Psychology. Clinical Psychology is a 4000 level class which means it requires more tedious prerequisites like, General Psych, Human Behavior and Abnormal Psychology. Fantastic, I had 2/3, but I had not taken Abnormal. I was very concerned about not having all three prereq's. During the process of obtaining all of the signatures I needed, I walked around campus for 2.5 hours searching for the right people, only to find out that I needed to find "so and so" in building A across campus, 4 doors from where I originally started. I knew that everything was going way too smoothly; Something had to go wrong. I walked across campus only to find that the people I needed signatures from had just left for lunch and would not be back for another 45 minutes. I was almost in tears. All I needed was to get into this class, otherwise I would still need another psych class to complete my minor and Tim was quickly running out!
I was frustrated beyond belief. I thought some retail therapy would truly help me relax and find some structure to the chaos I was living.Around 1:15pm I headed back to the MSU Psychology department. I notice the secretary was still not in, oh but wait, the Chair's office is open and there's people in there! With the knowledge that I did not have Abornal Psychology, I wad very nervous that this Professor and Chair was not going to allow me to enroll. I desperately needed this class to graduate. Nervously I walked toward the laughter coming from the office, and saw an office full of professorsand grad students. They excused themselves so that I could speak with the Chair. He was shocked that I wanted into this class, at the time when they opened the class they expected very low enrollment. He took my add/drop submission form, signed his name and just below that wrote, "ok if no prereq's."
I was in shock! I had not mentioned that I didn't have Abnormal. How did he know?! This was a sign from God letting me know that he has my life in His hands. No matter what I need, He will supply. Going into this semester I was scared, but now that I know God is with me, standing by mt side, I can make my ( potentially) last semester the best semester ever! I won't say I'm am a graduating senior just yet, but I will say that I can see the light from a very long and dark tunnel! Thank you God for reminding me of who you are and what you can do!

Mis amigos tiene mi corazon!

Someone once said, "we are spiritual beings on earth experiencing a human existence.". With that human existence come the desire to find compatible relationships. I don't just want to be the person that everyone says, "oh, Amy, yeah she was a sweet girl.", I want them to say, " I enjoyed being her friend.". My desire is to have people enjoy who I am, not because they're being nice or because I am this persons something or other, but because they genuinely love me. But isn't that everyone's goal, maybe that's what I perceive life to be. I lost the belief in "best friends" a long time ago, but I do believe we need those people in our lives that we cherish more than anything in the world. I have some pretty great friends in my life for the first time ever. I pray that I can make an impression in their lives the way they have made in mine. I hope they know that I admire them and i would like to thank them for allowing me to enter their lives without a second thought. Yall have become my family, especially when I have none at hand.

All It Took Was A Child

     When I think of church I think of children. The church can not grow without them and when I see them worshiping I delight in what they are doing with their lives at such a young age. I battle with myself making sure that I am in the Kids Ministry because that is my calling. I have recently been praying for a stronger burden for this minitry, I feel that if I am going to do anything I need to have a strong hold on what I am lead to do. After a couple of weeks of praying I finally had my "a-ha!" moment.
     Durring a church service, while visitng another cuhrch I once belonged to, I saw a child praying alone. It brought me back to a time when I was a little girl and felt like I wanted someone to pary with me. Even as an adult I still feel like that same little girl, where I need to be prayed with not always for. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (KJV). There had been a lady there that attended this church before my abscence, but we never got to know one another. She grabbed my hand and all of a sudden, I felt imprisoned. This calling was strong, and it felt as if the devil wanted me to stay in my place. Afterall, I was a visitor. Who would want a stranger to come up amd pray with their child, they didn't know who I was. But after seconds of thinking that, I thought I would not have this thought if I was not supposed to do it. I mustered everything that I could and, not to be mean, but I released my hand from her hold and made a bee-line for this child.
     I didn't do anything herioc, I didn't perform a miracle, I simply did what God told me to do. I listened, and it felt great. I started praying with the young child and another young lady walked up and strated praying with us. Now this little girl was someone I remember being in her mother's womb; I remember her as a little girl. What a sight it was to see her growing in God.
     All it took was a little girl lifting up her hands to show a me what it means to be in love with God and how to listen to His voice. I will always remember the way it felt to know that I am doing what I was called to do. I may not be completely ready to take on a Children's Ministry, but I am confindent in where God has lead me. I have a lot of maturing to do, and I anticipate that I will learn, I have an amazing person in my life to teach me. Here's to many more years of children.
    

My trouble with spelling...

I love writing. Whether it's something as trivial as my feelings to something like a topic piece, I love to to write. It's ironic because when I was a little girl learning how to spell, I was AWFUL!!! Everybody would get so frustrated with me. I remember one night I was learning how to spell girl and grill. My dad must have spent, what seemed to be a couple of hours, trying to get me to understand the difference between the two words. All that time invested teaching me was well worth it. I remember on the next spelling test I knew how to spell each word correctly. Today, as a semi-functioning adult in society, I can say small moments like that have molded me into the woman I have become.
 I work with children of all different situations, races and backgrounds. I see things that most people would be appalled to even hear. But because I see these things, I have been trained for many years to react in certain ways and I have learned that children are a clear window into the lives of families.
In most settings you can tell which children have boundaries and which do not. I am usually the one with those that have no limitations, therefore I have to muster up the most patience and care. Anyone who knows me knows I am like my mother. I admit it, I am exactly like my mother. Just don't tell her that. The world is not prepared for two of her, at least not yet. Anyways, I was raised in a household that did not use the "P" word. Patience is not my virtue, it's not even in my vocabulary. But I understand that kids make mistakes and all kids need guidance. But, where does that guidance come from and when do you start guiding them and, and should you use strict guidance or not.
The answer is simple. It all starts with YOU. Growing up in a Christian home, I knew exactly that when my parents said something, I was supposed to do it.  Now, it rarely ever happened that i followed instructions, but deep down, I knew consequences were coming my way if I ignored my parents. Both of my parents instilled in me the act of obedience. My father was the head of the house and I didn't argue. Too many times, I see families that the child runs the household. That is wrong in so many ways.
A child should not have more backbone than an adult. A child should not learn that speaking disrespectfully to an adult is okay. A child should not think that, "If I don't do what mom and dad say, it'll be fine. What are they going to do about it?" That is the point where as families and as Christians, we need to bring out the word of God and figure out what is biblically right.
I know that I don't have children, and I know that things are much different when actual children are involved, but I believe that as I write, I will learn how to raise my family in the future and to better help those I work with now. Keep a look out for more to come. Hopefully you will enjoy my style of writing, and who knows, maybe I'll improve as time goes by. Leave you thoughts, let me know how you feel. Maybe we agree and maybe I am totally wrong. Either way, what is a blog for if not to express our feelings. Happy reading!